Heaven

Mason Wiley Ross gained his wings Sat. June 5th and went to heaven. We looked forward to holding him in our lap and telling him about God. Now God has him in his lap telling him about us. We are very thankful that God let us have him for the time we did. He brought so many wonderful things to our lives.







Sat. June 5th I woke up at 5:35am and i was in pain. I thought it was the baby moving so i woke Jaramie up and had him put his hand on my belly in hopes he would move to a different position. The pain got worse, i had Jaramie call an ambulance. I wasnt sure it was labor bc of how bad the pain was. I started passing out and i couldnt breathe. I was vomiting bc the pain was so bad. I asked Jaramie to call my family bc i knew something was really wrong. I arrived at the hosp. and when i was checked i was already 3cm dilated. It was too late. The dr came in and did an ultrasound and he had already passed away. At this point i had already had pain medicine and my memory gets foggy. I only remember a few things that happened. I know Stef and Daniel were the first ones there. They were there during the ultrasound. The dr told us he was going to start me on pitocin, and give me an epidural and we were going to deliver. The pitocin was started and they continued to give me pain meds. More of my family started to arrive. The dr came in and said that we would be able to hold him after he was born. We also decided to let our family hold him too. I then dilated to 4 cm and they did the epidural. I passed out during it and then my blood pressure started dropping as a side effect of the epidural. They then put the bed in a position where my head was lower than my feet, called trendenburg i think. The anest. gave me a shot of epinephrine and i remember waking up a little. After they got me stable we waited awhile and then started to push. Nothing really changed as a result of pushing the first time. So after another good bit we tried to push again. I dont remember much but that it was so much more painful than i ever could of imagined and i almost couldnt stand it. Something was wrong. On top of that i could barely take a breath to give a good push. I had difficulty breathing since i first went into labor that morning. Turns out it is bc i have been on strict bedrest for 6 weeks prior. The dr then gave us news that was even worse. We were not going to be able to see or hold him bc the labor was putting too much stress on him. We later had to tell our family that and that was not easy, they were crushed. I remained incredibly calm and didnt cry during these times bc i was in shock and had to focus extremely hard just to understand what was going on bc i was heavily medicated. It really broke Jaramies heart, I have never seen him cry like that. That is one thing i do remember and it stings. During this time we had a wonderful nurse who stayed after her shift ended to help us, she also took pictures of Masons tiny feet and made little foot prints on cards for us and put these items, his hospital bracelet and a few other special things in a box with angel wings on it for us. I cant thank her enough. Finally after the second time of pushing the dr decided to do a D&C. It was around 9pm when they took me down. I dont remember going down, they had sedated me pretty heavily by then. It was only supposed to take 30-45 min. They didnt get to start til after 10pm bc once they got me down to the OR they couldnt get my blood pressure stable. They finally finished and told my family i was in recovery. It was around midnight. Most of my family left. When they took me back to my room Jaramie, his mom, my brother, and his fiance were the only ones left. As soon as they rolled me into my room i crashed, they pushed out my family called a code and brought in the crash cart. It took them about 20-30 min to get me stable. During that time my family were asked to move down the hall and they were terrified, they called the rest of my family and everyone rushed back up there. They finally let my family in to see me before they sent me down. They have told me what i looked like and about how they felt. I cant imagine anyone of them in that situation. The dr told them they were going to have to do exploratory surgery to find out what is wrong and that i was possibly bleeding internally. My family told me that i was as white as the sheet, my lips were blue, my skin was ice cold, and that my abdomen was really big and swollen. I was totally unresponsive. They gathered around me, put their hands on me and said a prayer. They then took me down. Im not sure what was harder on them. Me crashing or going down to the OR. I try not to ask them about it too much bc i can tell it is a painful memory for them. I cannot imagine that feeling. I have been told that my sister, brother, and Jaramie stayed up on either side of my head til they took me down, my angels watching over me, i love those 3 so much i cant describe. I dont really remember anything but i do remember at one time being in a place that was completely dark. I was scared, i didnt know where to go, i remember looking for a light but there wasnt one. I dont remember feeling like i was leaving this world just yet though. When they got me down to the OR they put me on life support then put a syringe in my abdomen and removed two 2 liter bottles full of blood. They then cut a hole in my belly button pumped me full of gas and then put a scope in to find out where the bleeding was coming from. They found a perforation on the top of my uterus. They then cut me from the belly button down and the ob over sewed the 2inch perforation on the top of my uterus. During the DNC the dr had accidentally cut my uterus and i was internally bleeding to death. They then gave me 6 units of blood and plasma. I woke up the next morning in the critical care unit and i thought i was still in my room. When i tried to ask why it was 530 am i realized i couldnt talk and my throat was sore. I finally got my dad and Jaramie to understand me and they were surprised to find out i didnt know what had happened. They told me what happened and i was shocked. I dont remember much of that day either. I was glad to wake up every now and then to see Jaramie. He was there as much as they would let him be. I also remember waking up from time to time and seeing different family members. I dont remember any conversations. After 2 days in the critical care unit i got to go back to the 5th floor. I was so glad to be able to have Jaramie sleep in a recliner next to me. They got me up a day or 2 later and it was painful. I had alot of pain all over. In my shoulders, ribs, lungs, abdomen, lower back, sides, and legs. The surgeon came in and told me that i would be sore bc blood is an irritant and like sand paper against every thing it touched. So internally pretty much every where would be irritated for me. He also said the pain in my shoulders, ribs, and abdomen was from the gas they pumped in me. It gathers in pockets and the pressure will be painful and press on nerves and what not. After 2 days in a there they sent me home. I did not feel like i was ready to come home. After the first morning home i started running a fever. The second morning i started vomiting and they admitted me to the hosp. again. My white blood cell count was really high which indicated that my body was fighting an infection. They started me on IV antibiotics and fluids. They also did an CT scan to look at my uterus. A 5cm hematoma had formed over the injury on my uterus. The dr told me they thought that my injury was still bleeding but not enough to cause concern. Then my red blood cell started dropping and i had to have another blood transfusion. I also still was having trouble breathing and my chest felt heavy at night when i layed down to sleep. The dr decided to do a CT scan on my chest to make sure i didnt have a blood clot in my lungs. The nurse came in about an hour after the CT scan and told me that i have pneumonia in my lower right lung. It scared me. But i was kind of relieved bc maybe the pneumonia was causing the fever. So they started me on 2 more IV antibiotics and breathing treatments. All together i was on 5 different IV antibiotics and i have to get a shot in the stomach once a day to prevent blood clots. After 2 days they did a chest xray and my pneumonia was clearing up. We caught it just as it was starting. I got pneumonia bc i had been on bedrest for 6 weeks and bc i was on life support. My have not been very active and squeezing out all of the fluid so my right one had became infected. After 9 days in the hospital my white and red blood cell counts were returning to normal and my fever was low so i finally got to come home yesterday. I was ready to leave the hospital but not ready to come home. This has been such an emotionally hard time for me. I cry a few times a day. I remember the first time i got to walk down the hall, I cried bc i hadt walked since April and bc at the end of the hall was windows over looking the cemetery. It made me sad thinking about Mason. I would also get scared at times bc i was afraid my body was failing me and that i might not leave the hospital. Also before i was dismissed from the hospital the first time i made arrangements with Emerson Funeral home for Mason. They had picked him up and were waiting on me to be released to have his funeral. Emerson kindly has provided all their services at no charge. We are thankful.

I am not angry or bitter that we lost our son and we had to go through this. I do grieve for him. I understand God has a reason for this. I know we will be with him again one day. I love God and trust in him. He has always taken care of me and i know he always will. This has brought Jaramie and i closer. It also has brought my father, sister, and brother back together and i am thankful. This has also showed me the ones who really love and care for Jaramie and I. I cant thank everyone enough for all the love, prayers, and support through these times.